Current mood:

indifferent

Time for another one of those last day of college cliche entries...
Today is my last day here on this campus for this year. Everyone of my friends are gone except for maybe one or two. This year has been an interesting one. It was all good and fine to be with my friends in the same hallway, and many of us grew closer because of it. However, things were not perfect (as I did not expect they would be since we were all in such close quarters) and shit hit the fan. There was a lot of drama that did not need to happen and no one needed to deal with. I'm glad because I didn't become extraordinarily close with any one person or group, which helped me to become somewhat neutral in each drama situation. I think I speak for a lot of other people when I say that I got sick of it. Many times I had to remind myself that this was college and not high school. I don't think anyone did anything that serious to cause the hatred and bitterness that was a result of much of it. I still don't even know how and why much of it happened, but at this point I don't care. I don't care if I'm hated; I don't care if some feel that things are not resolved (even though there is nothing more that can be done); I don't care if some still hold a silly grudge. I know that I'm an adult and I can over things and move on with my life. I love my friends and I love those friends that know what a friendship entails. My friends are my family, and family should not do these kinds of things to each other. Oh well.

Though, I never let any of that drama or any of those silly people bring me down. I still had a great year and the fun times have now evolved into good memories. Thank you to those who have stayed true (and you know who you are).

I have to say I don't know what's in store for me over the summer or next year. I don't know for sure if I'll be returning to Duquesne next year, or if I do it may not be for more than a semester. I am having MANY problems with finding the money for school, and there is virtually no one that can co-sign loans with me. I need my dad to co-sign a loan to pay half of what I owe for this ending year and I cannot schedule for next year until he does get that loan. It will take tons of more begging and pleading to get that loan.

Moreover, I haven't told everyone about situations that have come to my attention in the past few weeks. My stepdad got a good job offer in Georgia and my family is going to be moving down there. My mother wants me to move with them and transfer my credits down there. My sister and I don't want to move down there. Chryssie wants to go to school up here and she has her boyfriend of over a year up here. I have my friends, my education that can be found no where else, and a guy I'm dating that has some real potential to be something great. Why should we move? So my parents are supposedly going to find us an apartment and help pay for it, which means we have to work as much as we need and I have to get a second job. I need to buy a car and afford insurance and bills if I'm going to commute to and from school (if I can return next year).

Even if I can't return to school next year, I'm not going to live with my family. There is too much for me up here and I really don't care to live with any of them down there because of how they are. For one thing they all talk about me behind my back and I'm not even at that house enough for them to say the things they do. My mother is always on the side of my sisters, and I'm always singled out. I know that my mother will do everything to please my sister Chryssie because she always has. Apparently Chryssie's friend might be living with us, but I wasn't even asked how I felt about that. My parents are giving Chryssie my mother's car, and yet they kept telling me they would help me to buy a car so I can commute to school. They say they're going to figure out a bus pass or something for me, but I'm going to tell them to just give me the $1000 they would spend on a bus pass (I checked the prices with Westmoreland Transit, which is the bus I would take from here to Pittsburgh) so I could put something towards a car. Either that or I have to work out something with Chryssie and sharing the car, which would never actually happen because it's always Chryssie's way or the highway. Even if I can't return next year, I'm still going to stay up here, work, and do things on my own so I won't have to live with them down there.

I have to say I don't care for my family nowadays. My mother has manipulated me into doing everything she says for the past how many years because she knows I'm not a cold person and I would never do something to hurt her, and it has taken me this long to realize it. Though, Chryssie could always defy her and talk back to her and get away with it, but I would (and still do) suffer punishment for going against my mom. I mean, Chryssie was 17 and dating a 33-year-old man, and Mom would let him spend the weekend and sleep in Chryssie and Rissa's room. I would have NEVER been allowed to do any of that and I don't think I would be allowed to nowadays. If I had my own money I would be getting my own place; hopefully someday I will get my own place. When my family moves to Georgia I will be HAPPY. I don't really want to go visit them down there at all, even for the holidays. I think I'm going to drop a huge load on my mother and be the one to stray from the family when she always thought Chryssie would be the one. I am at that point where I want to spite them ALL.

Like I said before, I'm so sick of it all and I'm tired of pretending that I'm happy and that I go along with everything those bastards say. It's time I start putting my foot down and have a say in the family I'm supposedly a part of.