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Thursday, December 29th, 2005
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Getting kicked out of an arcade by a short, stubborn, asshole of a manager and getting lost in Atlanta only to pee at a BP station: $5 worth of gas
A bottle of vodka and a few cans of Red Bull at 3 AM: about $25
Walking through the front door at 7 AM, greeting your parents before they leave for work, and realizing you have to be up in about 2 hours for work: priceless
There are some random moments in life that alcohol and good friends can get you through, for everything else...there's more alcohol.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, November 17th, 2005
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| Time: | 10:05 pm. |
| Mood: |  scared. |
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Hmm, I didn't realize how hard it is to keep up with both a LiveJournal and a Myspace blog. Ah well. Better late than never, I guess...
Or maybe some of you should just Myspace! Ha!
Even with that bit of a laugh I am still sad and scared inside. Duquesne found me. Apparently they called my house today and I never gave them the house phone number (especially since I don't really know it myself). I saw the message one of my sisters left for me on the top basement step. Some lady from Duquesne called me and it wasn't with a Duquesne number, and they left a "case number" with the message. A case number? That can't be good...
I have to call them on Monday when I have off.
I can only assume this is about my inability to pay off my tuition in full in one shot.
I think I just felt my stomach bump into my heart on the way towards my throat.
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Monday, October 31st, 2005
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Actually, I didn't have much of a Halloween today. I worked the usual closing shift and I once again work the usual tomorrow. I sure do miss the "Halloween tradition" that I usually celebrated with the Duq kids. God, do I miss you guys...
Oh well, right?
This weekend was fun, though. I heart my new friends down here, they are the bomb. Kati, Beth, and I got a hotel suite in Alpharetta, watched horror flicks, and drank. Beforehand we met Christy and her friend Lauren at the water plant to visit Matt. I'm sure that boy was loving being a pimp for a night with all the ladies he got to hang with for a while ;)
Ah well, Happy Halloween everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the candy and traditions!
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Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
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Trevor : The dream to awaken our world!
Æon : You're out of control.
Trevor : I take control. Whose side are you on?
Æon : I take no side.
Trevor : You're skating the edge.
Æon : I am the edge.
Trevor : What you truly want, only I can give.
Æon : You can't give it, you can't even buy it and you just don't get it.
I just found out that a movie based on the short-lived animated series, Æon Flux, is coming out December 2nd. I doubt anyone would remember it, but it first aired on MTV's Liquid Television in 1991-1992 as short cartoons. Then it was a full-blast half hour series that aired in 1995 for only ten episodes. My favorite episode (and the one I most vividly remember) was the one where Æon has sex through the wall with Trevor. Yes...
Damn did I love being defiant of my parents and watching MTV at night...
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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
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So last night I got home from work only to find my purse soaked in Sprite. Turns out, the bottle of Sprite I had in my purse opened and exploded all over everything...including my cell phone. Gahdamned piece o' shit. I need three basic things in my life: cell phone, computer, cigarettes. I'd go nuts without one of them.
I wake up today, shower, and go to Verizon. Wouldn't you know that I had twelve days until I could renew my contract and use my $100 credit towards a new phone? Oh well. I NEEDED A PHONE. So I got my nifty new phone (which also came with a $50 mail-in-rebate), a new -Georgia- number, and the contract is in my name instead of Grandma's. So if any of you want my new number, you better ask (and give me your number too since I lost my contacts list)!!
And that's about it for the excitement for my day. It's freaking cold in this basement. I can't wait until winter hits full. Anyone want to come and keep me warm? Bring some matches to LIGHT ME ON FIRE.
Come on baby light my fire...
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Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
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Mondays suck. Sometimes having a whole weekend off sucks because it totally throws off my sleep schedule. But then again, staying up until 5-6 AM for no reason at all is fucking awesome.
Thankfully, our store is not following the Mall of GA's holiday hours and my supervisor is going to give me the ENTIRE weekend off for my 21st birthday! I have off Thursday through Sunday!!! Any ideas what I should do for my birthday?
I think I might just take over the $300/month car payment for the Ford Focus that my parents offered to me. It would be a hell of a lot easier to just take that then go out searching for a used car with what little time I have. Sure, it's $100 more than I wanted to spend per month on a car, but it's so much easier. And who does not like taking the easy way out?
My teeth hurt.
I'm also thinking about getting a new mattress. Now this is one reason why it's AWESOME working in a furniture store. Next week my manager is going to put some mattresses/boxes that were dropped from our inventory under loooow clearance prices. I think I'll either get a full or queen, whichever is in my price range. I need a nice mattress and something I can just sprawl out on. Oh yeah. I'll need to rearrange my bedroom though...
Man, I need some excitement in my life.
...
Umm, yeah. That's about it.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, October 15th, 2005
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Andrea is so cool I have used her update ideas twice :)
The things that are * are true.
*01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
*04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
*06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
*07. I love to play video games
*08. I've tried marijuana
*09. I've watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
*12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
*13. I have acne free skin (mostly)
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
*15. I curse frequently
*16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
*17. I have a hobby
18. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
*20. I'm smart
*21. I've never broken someone's bones
*22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
*25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe free and scarless
*26. I need money right now!
*27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
*30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
*32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
*34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
*36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
*37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look (most of the time)
*39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to do cornrows
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past.
*46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
*49. I am currently single
*50. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
51. I enjoy talking on the phone
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
*53. I love to shop.
*54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I'm obsessed with my online journal
*58. I don't hate anyone.
*59. I'm a pretty good dancer
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
*62. I have a cell phone
*63. I believe in God
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
*68. I've rejected someone before
*69. I currently have a crush on someone
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
*71. I want to have children in the future
*72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
*76. I'm not allergic to anything
*77. I have a lot to learn
*78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
*80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
*81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
*82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
*83. I have tried alcohol before
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Greatestjournal
*87. As a kid I played the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or friend.
88. I enjoy some country music
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
*96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend's ex
*99. I'm happy as of this moment
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Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
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If you are reading this, leave one memory of you and I together! It doesn't matter if I know you a little or a lot, anything you remember! Next, post this in your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 30th, 2005
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All the things I will have to pay for when November rolls around:
1. Student loans
2. Tuition (if I decide to do so)
3. Health Insurance
4. Car Insurace
5. Cell phone
6. Credit card
7. My own car (?)
Blah. Blah. Blah. There is nothing new in my life except work. No dating potentials right now. No new friends down here.
So much for a good update, huh?
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Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
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Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
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Friday, August 19th, 2005
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Best of luck to all my Duquesne friends who are moving in this weekend and starting classes on Monday...
*twiddles thumbs*
...
:(
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Sunday, August 14th, 2005
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Yes, yes I know. I haven't updated in over two months AND I haven't talked to most of you through that duration as well. Sorry about that. Moving all the way down south to Georgia sure as hell took a lot from my ability to keep in contact for a while. I don't think I'll be able to give a detailed update of the past several months, but I can at least list the highlights.
So the move wasn't all that bad. I live in the unfinished basement, which kind of sucks because I have no walls or carpeting, but at least I have my own little area. I also have no air conditioning like the rest of the house, but I do have a fan and it suits me. It's actually not as hot as you would think, but I could also just be used to it by now. It took two months for my parents to get a phone line and Internet since it costed soooo much for deposits to turn on all the utilities.
The area is quite nice, but the area I'm in has only recently come to being. Most of the areas and towns around here have been built and developed only within the past 5-10 years, and most of all the housing is in brand new subdivisions. I have seen almost no housing development neighborhoods. And Dacula (where I live) has no bars or clubs. It's all shopping plazas and malls. In fact, most of the surrounding areas have ONLY brand new and huge shopping complexes, malls, and subdivisions. I still have yet to make a trip to Atlanta to see what's happening down there, but I will...eventually.
I do have a good job that pays well. I work as a customer service person for a furniture store, gotta love dealing with people's problems. At least I get payed enough and my boss is really cool. She's a few months younger than me, but really nice and layed back. She's married and apparently we have at least our music tastes in common.
I also bought myself a new rat. Jack and I were getting a little lonely in the basement together. He's a little baby two-toned black and white rat like Jack, his name is Daniel (Jack and Daniel, hehe). When I got him he had just gotten into the store and he had no human contact before, so it's taking me a little while to get him used to me. Right now I'm just bribing him with treats. He's very cute and small and Jack seems to like him, but then again Jack is sooo well-tempered to begin with. Hopefully some of that will rub off on Daniel.
Today I bought the wireless router and notebook adapter, which used almost all of last week's paycheck, but it was well worth it because I can finally use my own computer. I hate my family's computer. They broke their hard drive anyways and they had to get it repaired (they were going to buy a brand new one before I convinced them that it was totally unnecessary since it was probably only the hard drive or motherboard that was broken which can be repaired) and now they don't have Windows XP Professional, and I did not realize how much Home Edition sucked. My computer is much better anyways, it will be even better once I get some more hard drive space and maybe a new video card. I can make this shitty Dell into a semi-pro.
So I think that's about all I can remember. Oh and happy birthday to everyone I didn't get a chance to wish happy birthday to. I hope no one is pissed off I haven't talked to them in about two months, heh. Love you all! Kisses and hugs.
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| Time: | 1:17 am. |
| Mood: |  apathetic. |
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Yes, I know it has been a while. I've been working, hanging out with a few people I have wanted to spend extra time with before I leave for Georgia, or I've just been having me time and going out for rides and such. I spent the past half hour catching up on what I've missed over the past few weeks and nothing really tickled my fancy. I didn't even read most of everything because most people's LJs, Xangas, blogs, etc. are annoying. I realize everyone has their problems and I'm always willing to lend an open ear and help those with actual problems who are willing to get actual help, but some people are so goddamned ANNOYING about their problems. I just want to be like "shut the fuck up and get over yourself." Some people have the stupidest problems, the most petty problems, or the silliest reasons to be depressed or suicidal. Man, it seems like so many try their hardest to get attention or whatever they are searching for and are going about it all the wrong way.
And with that I probably pissed off about 86% of the LJ community. Hehe.
I don't know, lately I've been kinda blegh. Maybe I'm just in a very long-lasting bitchy mood, but I really don't know. I don't really care to go out with many of my friends that much. I've just been going through a kind of reclusive stage where I just want to work to clear my mind, be at home in my room behind a closed door playing a video game, or taking a ride around the area in the car by myself. You would think that with me moving to Georgia in two and a half weeks I would want to spend as much time as humanly possible with my friends, but I really don't. I'm not all sad and depressed; I guess maybe it hasn't really hit me yet. I mean there are only a very few number I actually want to be with because I will miss them the most. They're some of the very few people that know what true friendship is and I can trust them and love them as my closest and dearest friends. The rest I don't really care to hang out with and I probably most definitely will not miss as much. I don't know if there is any reason or many reasons for this. Meh, I digress.
I'm still very mixed about the whole situation. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy. I don't want to go, but then I do. One thing that pisses me off is that my parents are giving me a portion of the unfinished basement of the house. I get one outlet and one light bulb. Nice, isn't it? They couldn't even put my smelly, un-hygienic sister in the damn basement. Geezus. And then I got into a fight with my father because he wants me to stay up here and he says he would try and find a way to co-sign all of my loans to finish my education. I'd stay up here if it were a little more definite than that. But I have to give my father some credit. At least he's willing to try; Mom and Paul just don't seem to care and every goddamned financial situation they've made for me or aided me to make since coming to college has put me further and further into the abyss.
I hate how my parents keep fighting over me and fighting to each other through me. I hate how I always have to defend the other in these goddamned fights. I swear, if I could I would move with my friend Kari to Michigan and say "FUCK YOU!" to them all! Although, I'm pretty sure after my education is done and my career is on its way I will be saying good-bye to my mother and stepfather to show my gratitude for all they have done for me. Heh.
And here I go on and on about this stupid shit. I really would just be done with it all if I could. I really don't even care anymore; none of this stuff is eating at me or depressing me. I just need some way to get it all off my chest, right? I'm still not ready to move, and I doubt I ever will be even when I'm down there. I just kinda wish in the back of my head that I would come upon this lump sum of money so I could stay here and finish my education and screw over my family. Hehe. And that damned Idaho bastard just had to win the Pennsylvania Powerball!!! Geez, play your own goddamned lottery!
So anyways, I hope this is a sufficient entry. If not, tough shit. If any of you random LJers get pissed off by the above comments, oh well! People suck anyways. People are just too damned dramatic.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 12:11 am. |
| Mood: |  crushed. |
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Nothing ever works out for me, even when I hope and think it does/is.
Oh and by the way, I'm going to Georgia.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Today is my last day here on this campus for this year. Everyone of my friends are gone except for maybe one or two. This year has been an interesting one. It was all good and fine to be with my friends in the same hallway, and many of us grew closer because of it. However, things were not perfect (as I did not expect they would be since we were all in such close quarters) and shit hit the fan. There was a lot of drama that did not need to happen and no one needed to deal with. I'm glad because I didn't become extraordinarily close with any one person or group, which helped me to become somewhat neutral in each drama situation. I think I speak for a lot of other people when I say that I got sick of it. Many times I had to remind myself that this was college and not high school. I don't think anyone did anything that serious to cause the hatred and bitterness that was a result of much of it. I still don't even know how and why much of it happened, but at this point I don't care. I don't care if I'm hated; I don't care if some feel that things are not resolved (even though there is nothing more that can be done); I don't care if some still hold a silly grudge. I know that I'm an adult and I can over things and move on with my life. I love my friends and I love those friends that know what a friendship entails. My friends are my family, and family should not do these kinds of things to each other. Oh well.
Though, I never let any of that drama or any of those silly people bring me down. I still had a great year and the fun times have now evolved into good memories. Thank you to those who have stayed true (and you know who you are).
I have to say I don't know what's in store for me over the summer or next year. I don't know for sure if I'll be returning to Duquesne next year, or if I do it may not be for more than a semester. I am having MANY problems with finding the money for school, and there is virtually no one that can co-sign loans with me. I need my dad to co-sign a loan to pay half of what I owe for this ending year and I cannot schedule for next year until he does get that loan. It will take tons of more begging and pleading to get that loan.
Moreover, I haven't told everyone about situations that have come to my attention in the past few weeks. My stepdad got a good job offer in Georgia and my family is going to be moving down there. My mother wants me to move with them and transfer my credits down there. My sister and I don't want to move down there. Chryssie wants to go to school up here and she has her boyfriend of over a year up here. I have my friends, my education that can be found no where else, and a guy I'm dating that has some real potential to be something great. Why should we move? So my parents are supposedly going to find us an apartment and help pay for it, which means we have to work as much as we need and I have to get a second job. I need to buy a car and afford insurance and bills if I'm going to commute to and from school (if I can return next year).
Even if I can't return to school next year, I'm not going to live with my family. There is too much for me up here and I really don't care to live with any of them down there because of how they are. For one thing they all talk about me behind my back and I'm not even at that house enough for them to say the things they do. My mother is always on the side of my sisters, and I'm always singled out. I know that my mother will do everything to please my sister Chryssie because she always has. Apparently Chryssie's friend might be living with us, but I wasn't even asked how I felt about that. My parents are giving Chryssie my mother's car, and yet they kept telling me they would help me to buy a car so I can commute to school. They say they're going to figure out a bus pass or something for me, but I'm going to tell them to just give me the $1000 they would spend on a bus pass (I checked the prices with Westmoreland Transit, which is the bus I would take from here to Pittsburgh) so I could put something towards a car. Either that or I have to work out something with Chryssie and sharing the car, which would never actually happen because it's always Chryssie's way or the highway. Even if I can't return next year, I'm still going to stay up here, work, and do things on my own so I won't have to live with them down there.
I have to say I don't care for my family nowadays. My mother has manipulated me into doing everything she says for the past how many years because she knows I'm not a cold person and I would never do something to hurt her, and it has taken me this long to realize it. Though, Chryssie could always defy her and talk back to her and get away with it, but I would (and still do) suffer punishment for going against my mom. I mean, Chryssie was 17 and dating a 33-year-old man, and Mom would let him spend the weekend and sleep in Chryssie and Rissa's room. I would have NEVER been allowed to do any of that and I don't think I would be allowed to nowadays. If I had my own money I would be getting my own place; hopefully someday I will get my own place. When my family moves to Georgia I will be HAPPY. I don't really want to go visit them down there at all, even for the holidays. I think I'm going to drop a huge load on my mother and be the one to stray from the family when she always thought Chryssie would be the one. I am at that point where I want to spite them ALL.
Like I said before, I'm so sick of it all and I'm tired of pretending that I'm happy and that I go along with everything those bastards say. It's time I start putting my foot down and have a say in the family I'm supposedly a part of.
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| Time: | 7:13 pm. |
| Mood: |  stressed. |
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I'm going to do everything in my power to stay here. There are too many good things right now in my life here and I don't want to abandon it all. I am prepared to take all the risks to make myself happy. I'm in it for me now, and no one else. I've put up with too much crap from those I loved and for whom I've sacrificed and got nothing in return. Maybe being selfish will make things better.
I want a drink.
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Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:01 pm. |
| Mood: |  worried. |
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Sometimes I wish it would all just stop.
I'm sick of trying to be something I'm not.
STOP.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
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Yes, this was borrowed.
[ ] i am bisexual or homosexual.
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol
[x] I’ve run away from home.
[ ] i don't like bush because from what i hear, he is dumb.
[ ] i don't like bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[x] i collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I’m depressed.
[ ] I open up to others easily -- sometimes too easily
[x] i am keeping a secret from the world.
[ ] I watch the news. (sometimes)
[ ] I own over five rap cds.
[ ] i own an ipod or mp3 player.
[x] i own something from hot topic.
[x] I love Disney movies.
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes
[ ] i don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] i paid for that cell phone ring.
[ ] i am a sports fanatic.
[x] i have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I’ve slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation
[ ] i love spam.
[x] i bake well.
[x] i would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] i own something from Abercrombie.
[xx] I have a job.
[ ] i love Martha Stewart.
[ ] i am in love with love.
[ ] i am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self conscious.
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] i smoke a pack a day.
[ ] i have cough drops when I’m not sick.
[ ] i can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about five pills at a time no problem
[x] i eat fast food weekly.
[ ] i have many scars.
[ ] I’ve been out of this country.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] i am really ticklish.
[ ] i see a therapist.
[x] i love white chocolate.
[ ] i bite my nails.
[ ] i am comfortable with being me.
[xxx] I play video games.
[x] I’ve gotten lost in my city.
[x] I’ve seen a shooting star.
[ ] I’ve had a serious surgery.
[x] I’ve kissed a stranger.
[x] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[x] I’ve been in a fist fight
[ ] I’ve been arrested.
[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I’ve made out in an elevator.
[x] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[x] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
[x] I’ve been close to love.
[x] I’ve been to a casino.
[ ] I’ve been skydiving.
[ ] I’ve broken a bone.
[x] I’ve skipped school.
[x] I’ve flashed someone.
[ ] I’ve done the splits.
[ ] I’ve played spin the bottle.
[ ] I’ve gotten stitches.
[ ] I’ve drunk a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] I’ve bitten someone.
[ ] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
[x] I’ve gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] I’ve crashed into a friend's car.
[ ] I’ve been to Japan.
[x] I’ve ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I’ve been fired.
[ ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I’ve stolen something from my job.
[x] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[x] I’ve lied to a friend.
[ ] I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I’ve been to Europe.
[ ] I’ve been married.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced.
[ ] I’ve had children.
[x] I’ve seen someone dying.
[ ] I’ve been to Africa.
[x] I’ve driven over 400 miles in one day.
[ ] I’ve been to Canada.
[ ] I’ve been to Mexico.
[ ] I’ve been on a plane.
[x] I’ve seen the rocky horror picture show.
[ ] I’ve thrown up in a bar.
[x] I’ve eaten sushi.
[ ] I’ve been snowboarding.
[ ] I’ve been skiing.
[x] I’ve met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] I’ve been to a moto cross show.
[ ] I’ve lost a child.
[x] I’ve gone to college.
[ ] I’ve graduated college.
[x] I’ve done hard drugs.
[x] I’ve taken painkillers.
[ ] I’ve had someone cheat on me.
[x] I miss someone right now.
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charcharbinx's journal
drunk.
calm.
tired.
